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October 31 0302 HOUR It's 3:02 in d morning n i stil online instead of sleeping.. y? cz i duno... haha~ mayb i sud end dis blog n sleep cz FOR GOD'S SAKE IT'S 3 SUMTIN IN D MORNING!! i sud hv studying instead of online too.. dat way i might hav finish studying my Algebra Linear II.. haih...
Wel, last week n dis week r supposed to b my STUDY BREAK.. BUT i din really study at all.. last week, while most my coursemates were busying 'gluing' their nose onto d books, i was happily being a crouch potato [life is dull w/o astro..haha], playing wiv my puppy [Husky], sleeping, surfing net.. Aih~ life is so sweet n nice....
BUT reality smacked onto my face.. i have to take 6 pprs starting on next wednesday n i stil havent opened a single pages.. in short, i havent study ANYTHING.. how am i goin to take the examination wiv ZERO formulas in my brain & totally clueless bout this FINANCIAL MATHEMATICS? ! OMG! suddenly, i couldnt breath.. panic! cold sweat is running down my head.. [nola.. kidding.. hehe!] i nid a new injection of life rite now.. i nid a "HARDWORKING" shot into my brain.. haih.. sayonaro to happy blisful life, HELLO TO GRUESOME, GLOOMY & ENDLESS "BURNING-MIDNITE-OIL" STUDIES! I.E, welcome to hell!
Haih.. i guess i sud go back kl dis wednesday n start studying from d moment i wake up til i sleep.. but then i dun feel like leaving this comfortable zone.. Sometimes, when ppl get too comfy, dey began to slack n eventually they become inactive, heavy footed n somnolent.. or v might call them LAZY BUM.. yup.. im BIG LAZY-BUM.. SO?
I owz wondered, y i din study from d day one? y i din memorise all those formulas rite after d lecturer "introduced" them? y i become so playful til i neglect my study? y? what is happening to me? where's d hardworking n studious me? what made me to become the present me?
Sometimes, i thought of my past to make myself b a better person... Many may think dat i keep dwelling in past cz im running away from problems, cz im afraid to face the present situation. No! Not at all.. I thought of my past as a key to better future actually.. I mean who can predict the future? Who knows what's instore for us in future? But all of us hav past; and we know our past, our history very well.. Furthermore, v are aware that v shape our future thru past action.. Thru past, v can somehow know what and how to cope in present life. Also it's present [with d help of past] that helps in establishing a better tomorrow.
Therefore, i hope i could discover my trueself through my past as i feel like i've become such a ugly person now. I wanted to find d "old-me".. In her [the old-me], there stored all my strengths, my sanguineness as well as my flaw and weak points.. And in her, i want to gain my optimism back.. The Positiveness. That's what i really need right now..
I believe i could find her one day... I'll find ME back.
October 29 dollie.. Im down wiv flu n cough d... T.T haih... supposed to sleep now but watching korean ghost movie, DollHouse while online.. damn scary la... but luckily i din really focus on d movie, so i wasnt dat sked la.. stil sked but ok la.. i think i can sleep wiv light off la.. haha~ but my perspective on dolls changed totally... sudnt watch dis movie.. i luv dolls 1.. but it made me sked of dolls d... haha~
Hmm.. wasnt really in d mood to blog le... haih.. dont noe y i online today oso.. mayb im too bored kua... haha~ so i guess i better offline now n continue watching d ghost movie d.. Yeee~ scarynya...... T.T October 28 i.. i... i'm so tired.. n frust n argh... actually i felt so damn lonely.. feel so hollow inside... i took risks, i made d wrong decision, dat ended up in this way.. haih... im d one to be blame for this emptiness.. Suddenly im not a risk-taker anymore.. i hurt myself too much, til i dun dare to take chances.. im thankful that after d fal, god sent angels to look after me.. but i dunwan to depend on these angels anymore.. i want the old me back.. n i hope d angels wil guide me to true self for i've been living behind mask these days..
Appreciate... Leang talked bout this in his blog.. Ya... i din really know how to appreciate ppl, aldo i keep on telling myself, "appreciate dis fella, he/she treats u so good.. must appreciate dis special bond betw u n him/her".. yeah, yeah... i know, but HOW? how to show appreciation? each time u remind urself to appreciate these special persons, yet u hurt them d most.. Y? y v being so polite in front of strangers yet be sucha devil in front of ur loved ones? take parents for instant, we love them d most yet we yelled/disobeyed/hurt their feelings d most.. Y?
Im aware of d presence of some ppl in my life nowadays.. but i guess i'll hold back my feelings until im ready to start anew... i mean y start anew when there's stil unfinished business in d past? i've had my lessons n i wont repeat it again...
Meanwhile, i feel like throwing things n release my frust, tiredness n tensions n emptiness.. mayb i feel better after doing dat? haha~ Or sud i go to d beach n scream my lungs out? hmmm.... i definitely need d breeze of d sea to calm me down.. picnic anyone? :)
October 27 stil very extremely full.... Diee... my stomach now damn kembung... results of eating too many food! haih... now i felt uneasy cz of my BIG TUMMy... haih.. where does my flat flat stomach gone? T.T
Cooked ayam kurma jz now.. 1st time cooking curry n it came out fine~ jz d chicken wasnt dat 'nua' enuf.. made lotus tempura too.. [it's soooo CRISPY!!! hehe~] Supposed to make 'saute mushroom', but i left it to my mum to do it.. i was busy deep-frying d lotus.. hehe~ Evendo, it's jz a 3 dishes meal + rice, but all of ur [my family members + me] felt soooo FULL...
my 3 days vege begins 2ml oo, but i had vege for dinner jz now.. to cleanse stomach as ppl said.. haha.. really look forward to try different types of vege food.. neway, my sis said a vege burger in front of '9 ong yeh' very nice o.. din get to eat jz now cz i was VERY VERY FULL d... ate too much ma...
haih.. im so sleepy d... wan go c mr chou d.. hehe!
i wan food... hehe~ i ate alot today... initially woke up starving til i hav no energy to bath.. den, i went down to reheat d 'mo ku' [buns], ate some of them den went out wiv mike to library.. but b4 that he brought me to sg puyu there to hav laksa [cz earlier i sms-ed him that i havent had my lunch yet].. Hav laksa n ais kacang for my lunch o... den went library to study for 3 hours.. umm.. din really study la.. cz i was feeling sleepy al d time, n kept kacau-ing him only la.. hehe!
Left library at bout 6pm.. den he drove to clp [beside d old cinema there] there for cendol... Seeing that d rojak stall was stil opened,v order a rm3 rojak.. [ cheap la.. where to find a rm3 rojak in KL? haha! ] After eating, he sent me back.. but less den 2hours later, i began to feel hungry.. FAT D! T.T
Because of lacked of fooooood, my family n i went to c4 to restock some crackers, snacks, drinks.. But b4 that, we tested d elasticity n d comfortable level of d sofas at ROZEL there.. wel, my parents found their fav there... i found a very nice leather-skinned wardrobe but cant afford it cz it costed bout rm4k! -.-"
Den went to d foodcourt there to hav dinner.. finished a mcegg n 6 pieces of nuggets n lotsa french fries in within 1/2hr time.. fuh~ EXTREMELY FULL! den went to d c4 hypermarket to 'sapu' food..... haha~ now i dont hav to worry bout insufficient food d.. haha!
Gosh.. now im feeling hungry d... T.T mmg sah im goin to b fat d..... Noooooooooo............. October 25 ... Dont know y, i stil believe in this...
" If he/she's destined to be urs, he/she's urs... "
I guess im real stupid enough to believe this statement. I would prefer
" Dont reminiscent bout d past, look forward for d future"
Y? I thought i've healed, but actually i havent.. d old wounds bleed again.. Y is this happening to me? Y? I jz wanna hav my normal life back.. izit it hard for me to do so? Y u dunwan to let me go? Jz get outta my mind... I want to forget u, really.. but i cant... i found myself missing u... Y? AM I STUPID?!! haih..
Since u've decided not to let me forget u, well den, i guess i hav to find way to face this 'horrible, extreme sadness'.. October 10 Busy, busy, busy as a bee... Fuh~ Recently busy catching up with studies, dance practices, projects, chores n sleeps.. Seriously nid A LOT OF SLEEP lately.. wanna become panda d cz d dark cirle around my eyes r getting darker n darker.. yeee~ i dunwan b panda!!! [aldo pandas r cute laaa] hehe!
Neway, i stil managed to find "SOME" time to hav fun.. went out to 1u for bowling wiv coursemates last friday.. Totally de-stress myself that day.. Focus all my burden/probs/anger into the bowling ball n "threw" it down d lane.. muahaha~ as a result, i sleep well that night... [eermm... i wasnt.. d haze made me cant z well actually]
Thought i could REST n catch up wiv my tutorials last saturday n sunday, but den i cant! T.T involved in INTENSIVE DANCE TRAINING CAMP n made myself very tired n weary at the end of the day.. Well,it's a good thing too.. cz i sleep early on saturday n sunday [by 10pm i d in bed... "paktoring" wiv "Mr. Chou"..] I tot i sleep well, but actually i wasnt.. HAZE PUYA PASAL LAAA.... @#*&*(@&(*&(!!!!
Yesterday was our college's Pesta Tanglung.. went down to SS wiv them at about 10.15pm.. Took lotsa pics wiv d crazy coursemates n friends n "family" members... Everyone was having fun n was laughing n singing to the song played throughout the nite.. Unfortunately, our family's tanglung, "Fong Hwa Lun" got burnt just before we got the chance to present to the Masters to evaluate it! haih~ There goes our effort of making d tanglung.. Spoilt our mood abit... Everyone was disappointed.. Suddenly, nobody in my family wanted to "SS" anymore.. haih.......
BUT nevermind, cz we got THIRD for the tanglung-making competition... YIPPIE~ [if our tanglung wasnt burned down.. maybe we'll get FIRST d.. muahaha~ ] So, d prize totally cheered everyone up..
Wel, as a matter of fact, im not suppose to online for so long now.. but "tangan gatal" ma.. feel like blog, den blog la, rite? hehe~ that's all for now... muuaaahhhh~
October 03 rain, rain go away..
WTH! it was raining damn heavily now... and my clothes hung at the
balcony of my room there r soaking wet now.. T.T i hav to wash those
clothes again... HAIH!!!! NOOooo.. God, dont treat me like this.... -.-" so, here m i.. bloggin using CSiang's laptop.. [my laptop is in my room ma..] surfing the net while waiting for the rain to subside.. seriously d rain is damn heavy, til i dont dare to walk back to my room now.. if i do, i'll b wet from head to toe.. -.-" but it looks like it's going to rain whole night... haih.. im damn sleepy and tired [went swimming jz now maa] d,but stil i cant retreat to bed yet..I WANT SLEEP!!!! neway, i really had alot of fun today.. my 2pm class was cancelled... i relaxed at room whole afternoon [means listening & singing to d mp3 tune], went swimming wiv coursemates, followed by a stroll at pasar malam after dinner.. nice~ that's what i need 'currently'.. [to keep myself bz all d time maa..] now, i jz wish d rain wil stop raining.. den i can go back to sleep.. * rain, rain go away... come again another day.... little 'angeline' wants to sleep.. rain, rain go away.... * |
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